he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
