I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
