so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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