Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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