I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
