My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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