I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
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i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
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So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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