I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
