Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
