dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
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I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize