why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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