Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
