I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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