is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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