Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
