I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
be right there i have to get my cape
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
