the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
