a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
