i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
