If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
