I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
