now i know why i became what i already was.
I've blown a few things in my day
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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