He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
