Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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