Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
