If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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