IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
