Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
