hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
