she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
