And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
