I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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