we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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