You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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