This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
