Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize