I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
two words...techno handjob
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
