"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
