no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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