I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
