u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
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I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
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You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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