I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
