Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
