alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
