I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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