i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize