Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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