apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize