True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
