"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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