She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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