...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
organizing the empties. That sober.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
