okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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