He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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