A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
