I wish I could teleport
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize