Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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