At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
