WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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