at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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