New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
