one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
