his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
