some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He better not be in your backpack
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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