Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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