Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
