He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
